the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
