Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
