so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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