i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You dont lie about slip and slides
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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