We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
