sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
