I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
