sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
