i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
