Plan B is the new Plan A
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think i got beer on your cat.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
