if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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