i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
