then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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