$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
