Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
