there was a trapeze. enough said
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
