I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
