I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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