just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
