Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
