How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How's work?
Spinning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
