Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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