I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
