His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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