Me too!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
