Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
