the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
