Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
