That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
