I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My cat gives me a boner
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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