After last night, I could never be a politician.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
