Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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