Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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