are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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