i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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