I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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