I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
