That's intense
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
