I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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