Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
