yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
