I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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