We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
