whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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