I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
