I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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