the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i drank out of a bidet.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
