Don't make out with my wife yet
My balls are so social today.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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