Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
