we have officially lost it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
