My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
